How to say no to your child and being a consistent disciplinary figure is crucial for your child's sense of security.
When our children are babies they can be so darn adorable that we hate to do anything that displeases them. Most of our time is spent trying to make our children laugh or smile and when it comes time for discipline, many of us take the soft road to spare our own hearts as well as our children’s. It can be soul-wrenching to see a baby’s lower lip turn down and see his entire body shake with sobs from the insult of being reprimanded by those whom he loves so very much. However, if we want to raise children who understand the meaning of the word ‘no’ and want to keep the number of screaming, kicking tantrums to a minimum, we must start from the very beginning with a firm stance that shows we mean business and won’t back down, no matter how adorably sad our little one’s face may be.
When our children are babies they can be so darn adorable that we hate to do anything that displeases them. Most of our time is spent trying to make our children laugh or smile and when it comes time for discipline, many of us take the soft road to spare our own hearts as well as our children’s. It can be soul-wrenching to see a baby’s lower lip turn down and see his entire body shake with sobs from the insult of being reprimanded by those whom he loves so very much. However, if we want to raise children who understand the meaning of the word ‘no’ and want to keep the number of screaming, kicking tantrums to a minimum, we must start from the very beginning with a firm stance that shows we mean business and won’t back down, no matter how adorably sad our little one’s face may be.
If we tell a baby or child no and then eventually end up letting the child do what he wanted in the first place, we are setting ourselves up for disaster. Even if you have changed your mind and decided that what the child was doing wasn’t so bad after all, you need to stick to your guns and let the child know that what you say, you mean. If he gets his way after a minute or after an hour, he will know he’s got you pegged. Children won’t give up if they see that any sort of behavior gets them what they want, whether it be to just quiet him up until you can get out of a store or doctor’s appointment, or if you’re just too busy to stay on top of him. If you put your child in a time-out for something, you need to enforce it. If you want to do the dishes or laundry and have to leave him, of course he will get out, especially if occasionally, when he does get out, you just let him go on his way because you’re not interested in dealing with the situation at the time.
Of course, we all have times when we just want to throw our hands up in the air and let the child have his way because we are tired or busy or just fed up. These are the dangerous times that give children their glimpse into what might be if the tantrum is long enough, if mom is tired enough, or if there are enough other people watching on. If he sees you give up once, it is possible you will again, and he will never give up. Consistency is the key and when you are consistent with your words and actions, your child will know you mean business.
When a child is disciplined effectively, it gives him a real sense of security in the world that you might not realize as you deal with the guilt of having to put a sad face on your dear little cherub. Children who are not let to run the show own a sense of knowing they are cared for and that nothing bad will be allowed to happen to them, even though they may still do bad things from time to time. Children with ineffective disciplining are often frightened by the sense of control they have over the world. Though it may seem hard to believe, children do not want to be the ones in charge, the world is a scary place to them and they need their parents to guide them and be their inner strengths.
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